I have been learning so much about prayer in the last few years. My prayers were sincere before. Bringing something important in my life to God; usually something I couldn’t do anything about on my own. Then my marriage was crumbling. My prayers became the place where my private grief poured out. I didn’t share my pain with anyone but God for a long time. I began to learn that God was the only one who could reach all the way in to the darkest pain in my heart and hold on tight. I began to tell him all of my fears. I began to be completely honest with God. No longer trying to be what I thought he wanted, pretending to be much more together than I am. I finally learned to admit that I am completely human and completely in need of a savior. Not just to die for my sins, but to cover me with grace and mercy each and every day.
I now come before my God with absolute honesty. In need and asking him to fill that need. As a single mom, I often worry that I won’t be enough for my daughter. How can one mom be everything a child needs? By herself, she can’t. But with God’s amazing grace and love, he will fill in all the places I miss. That is my prayer. That God will partner with me in raising this fabulous child and grow her into exactly who he wants her to be. In spite of my humanity.